


Yellow roses abloom

by Luminimanoise (twirling_ribbon)



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: 20+ years after war, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Assassination Attempt(s), F/M, Felix getting stabbed, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Up, Near Death Experiences, OCs are sylvix and dimileth kids, Post-Canon, References to Depression, References to PTSD, just some slight divergence, repairing relationship, some fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 22:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21005012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twirling_ribbon/pseuds/Luminimanoise
Summary: The second day of Garland Moon was going to be written down in history as one of the happiest days in Fódland's history. The Royal Palace in Fhirdiad was illuminated by hundreds of lights, both magical and not, colorful serpentines and decorations.And then blood spilled onto the marble floor and Dimitri's hands.





	Yellow roses abloom

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for blood, depression, ptsd and panic attacks. All is being referenced. And warning for OOC. It's been 20 years since the war so of course they're not acting like their teenage selves. It's more of my idea how they'll turn out, I guess? I tried to stay close to canon but hmm
> 
> So it was going to be a major character death but then I wrote the beginning of a ball and I couldn't do it so... yeah. Also, I didn't tag it, because it's not being talked about and it's not part of any conflict, but Felix is trans in it, thank you. And both transphobia and homophobia don't exist bc mmm don't wanna deal with that :')) I hope you'll understand
> 
> By slight canon divergence in tags I meant that Felix changed classes in the middle of the year and when the war started he fled to Leicester Alliance to serve Claude. He came back to Fhirdiad only when Dimitri was found. I'm thinking about some work where it will be more talked about but oh well, maybe someday. Okay, I hope you'll enjoy it!!

The second day of Garland Moon was going to be written down in history as one of the happiest days in Fódland's history. The Royal Palace in Fhirdiad was illuminated by hundreds of lights, both magical and not, colorful serpentines and decorations. Wherever you looked were blooming flowers. Tradition said that it all should be blue, to show the dominance of the House Blaiddyd, but young prince Adrien insisted on dark purple instead, to honor his fiancee's house. 

Older members of the court, of course, protested very loudly. _ It's a disgrace! That's not how it should be done!_, they'd said. After days of negotiations, both King Dimitri and Queen Byleth were seething and ready to just impose their will, but it was all smoothed over by the prince himself. Adrien Jeralt Blaiddyd was a calming presence, soft-spoken and gentle young man. But he could use persuasion like no other. While his mother was all blades and glares and his father had great strength, he himself could paint images, build beautiful statues just by a couple of words. His looks done nothing but help. 

He always tied up his smooth and silky minty hair, so it wouldn't get in his way, but sometimes it seemed as if he was inventing a new hairstyle for every day. Short fringe and some loose strands were framing his delicate face and big, doe eyes just gave him more charm. He truly was an exceptional beauty, which meant a downfall for whoever got too caught up in that, because his ability to weave words around others was also exceptional. 

It didn't take long before he got everyone on board with his 'let's make _everything_ purple' agenda. 

An engagement ball had started almost two hours ago, but people still were making their way through the main gate and into a ballroom. It was open for everyone on that day so wave after wave of nobles and commoners alike were coming to congratulate the pair and their parents on such a joyous occasion. Eventually, gardens were open for the public as well, if anyone wanted to rest from the noise and breathe in some fresh air. 

Royal pair sat on their thrones, up a low stage in one of the corners of a ballroom, looking contented and sated. Dimitri was looking at Byleth with so much devotion and love, remembering the day he and his wife got engaged, that youngers had to keep looking away, embarrassed. She just glanced at him amused and went back to observing guests.

Everybody was going circles on the dancefloor, clearly having fun and enjoying themselves. Her son, though, looked happier than everyone, happiest than she's ever seen him. Dancing near the center of the ballroom, hand in hand with someone he loved very much, he looked so awestruck. Warmth filled Byleth's heart. She was so glad they've found each other. Her hand squeezed Dimitri's hand.

A silver ring with several purple diamonds glittered lightly on the girl's hand. 

And what a young lady it was. With violet hair falling in waves down her back and eyes dark as night, just a little higher than the prince, slender but muscular. Her every move was full of grace, yet it wasn't the type of grace you expected from noble ladies. It was sharp and calculated, more like a soldier on a battlefield that a dancer. She stood out from the majority of girls and women also because instead of a shining gown, she wore pretty modest attire- formal white shirt, high-waisted pants, and heavy boots. A purple cloak was thrown over her shoulders, the most decorative piece of her wardrobe. If you looked closely you could see flowers embroidered on the cuffs of sleeves. 

Edith Camilla Fraldarius wasn't the best at showing her emotions, but everyone could see how happy she was. Her face wasn't exactly smiling, yet it was beaming, radiant with joy. She let Adrien swirl and pull her all over the dancefloor.

"Margrave Gautier and Duke Fraldarius." called out the announcer by the door. A wave of murmurs spread throughout the room. The pair was very well-liked in social circles and was known for their help in taking care of all the destruction and chaos after the war. The two of them, alongside their classmates, have become pillars of the new Holy Kingdom of Faerghus. 

Seemingly oblivious to the attention they were getting, they made their way to the King and the Queen.

"Before anything, let's just say we're fashionably late." was how Sylvain greeted the pair. Byleth just huffed a laugh and moved to hug their friends. They didn't see each other months now, the family Fraldarius-Gautier rarely left their territory these days. 

"As always." said Dimitri getting closer. He was slightly amused, closing Sylvain in a bear hug. The man had to tap him heavily on the back signalizing close encounter with suffocation. 

Then the king turned to Felix but stopped, not really knowing what to do. Byleth got her hug and now was playing with a child on Felix's hip. It was chirping happily, trying to grab her fingers. The man in question was just looking at it with a quirk of his lips, answering some questions. 

Dimitri's relationship with Felix was still strained and complicated, but they both have been trying to repair it. It was better than in their teenage years, or when the war raged on. During the clean up of the capital, they grew closer again and they kept exchanging a number of letters, meeting sparingly, once their ways separated. Tension remained, unfortunately. 

But they've _tried_. And it had to count for something.

"-uoght I'll lose my mind." Felix was just finishing a story when Dimitri got closer. "We have to find Edith and apologize too."

"I'm sure she won't mind your lateness." interjected Dimitri, hoping he understood the topic right. Felix just sighed. 

"We'll see about that."

The child was trying to get out of his embrace, tugging on his braid and mumbling some nonsense. As children do. He himself seemed not to notice it. It was a strikingly contrasting picture to the one Dimitri remembered from when Edith was just born. Two of them a mess, not really knowing how to react, what to do, what to not. 

And now just being content and calm. But why was he surprised? It was their fourth child. 

"And who is that?" he asked, standing by his wife's side. His hand itched to reach and caress little human's dark locks of hair, but he stopped himself. That would be improper of him. Maybe even a little dangerous. 

"So! Meet Elena." Sylvain chuckled taking her from Felix and holding higher, closer to Dimitri. The baby giggled and started to chew her little hand. "We've sent you a letter about her already, I'm surprised you didn't get it on time. But, oh, well, surprises don't kill anyone."

"I'm not so sure about that." commented Felix from the side. 

"Anyway, we have to go and find our main couple. We have gifts and all." saying that Sylvain reached to grab Felix's hand. "Goddess, I can't believe it's happening." 

"This engagement wasn't really surprising. We all knew it's going to happen sooner or later." 

Everyone nodded their agreement. Adrien and Edith, two childhood sweetheart whos friendship didn't fall even because of a long distance separating them nor little to no chances to meet face to face. The number of letters they'd exchanged was uncountable. Once they'd seen each other in the Officers Academy they've become inseparable once again. 

"We should get going now. Your majesties." Felix bowed slightly, and pulled Sylvain away, searching for their oldest daughter. 

"You looked like you wanted to say something." Byleth glanced at him, once the two of them returned to the thrones. 

"Ah. No matter. It wasn't anything important." he responded, but he could see the disbelief in her eyes. He'd learned how to read her years ago, so now Dimitri just patted her hand and went back to looking over the ballroom. 

From the distance, he could see how the family reunited, after months of separation. Edith letting go of her lover and searching for her fathers' embrace. Sylvain spun her around in his hug, her laughter so loud even Dimitri could hear echoes of it, and Felix held her a second too long, stroking her hair and cradling the back of her head. 

Both of them greeted Adrien almost as warm and enthusiastic.

Edith looked ecstatic when she got to hold her little sister, seemingly talking to her funnily, judging by the look of people around. The four of them talked some more, and then waved each other goodbye. Sylvain managed to talk Edith to look after Elena for a minute, just to pull Felix on a dancefloor with him. They looked happy, Dimitri noted and looked away.

Around 10 pm the time for official blessing came. The main pair of the evening stood in the middle of the ballroom, surrounded by people with big smiles on their faces. Someone would shout or whistle from time to time, or clap loudly. It just added to the merry atmosphere. 

Two married pairs walked slowly to stand before their children, soon to be wed, holding their gifts in small, decorative boxes. To be honest, Dimitri thought that it will be Felix to tear up. He was a crybaby when he was a child. His emotions were too big and chaotic for his heart to bear, then even more shaken after everything he’d lived through. Over the years though, the walls he had built around his heart started to fall, so Dimitri wouldn't be surprised to see Felix a little emotional. 

But it was Sylvain whos eyes were colored with red, trying to quiet his sniffs, and Felix keeping his hand under his arm, stoic but content, like a pilar keeping him up. 

It just added up to Dimitri’s own emotion, making his eyes sting. Oh, he was so happy. With his beloved by his side, his children before him, holding hands on each other's waists. He could see his daughter in the crowd, probably wreaking havoc, and all of his friends from academy days.

Dedue and Ash stood just next to the thrones, quietly talking. Mercedes and Anette were just shy next to the main gate. Redhead jumped up and down, waving to him when she caught his gaze. Ingrid, as his loyal knight, nodded at him from her place near one of the exits. Linhardt tried and was failing not to nod off. It was Bernadetta, poking him awake every time he closed his eyes.

And Felix and Sylvain, just next to him, looking so satisfied. It would be unbelievable, years ago, during the war. How lucky he felt, to be so wrong then, thinking there was no happy future for them. 

The six of them exchanged some traditional lines of blessings, just a formality, as they already had their own private engagement party last year. That night all needed saying was said. Well, almost. 

After that Adrien and Edith turned to the crowd to accept their round of applause. Both of them grew up in the environment when they had to learn how to behave and react to such treatment so they looked completely at ease, taking cheers and good wishes with grace. 

Dimitri turned to his wife, who gave him a quick peck on the lips, clearly happy.

„Isn’t it wonderful?” 

„It truly is, my love. It seems as if I just got to cradle them in my arms, now look at them, all grown up and taking up their own journey through life. Together. This union is a dream come true.” He had to chuckle at her fond expression telling him he’s a sap but a lovely one. When the dance started again, with soon-to-be-married pair leading everyone, Sylvain offered his arm to Byleth, and they joined the dancers together. 

That meant Dimitri was going to dance with Felix. A little stiffly, he turned to him, reaching out his hand and opening his mouth to ask for permission.

But when he faced him, Felix’s content expression broke giving way to shock, a second of horror, and then determination and- 

Dimitri felt guilty for a disappointment making its way through his bloodstream. What was he thinking? A dance? He didn’t deserve it, not with Felix. Maybe, just maybe, he had hoped they can talk in these couple of minutes, to try and explain this... whatever it was between them. Rivalry? Friendship? Were they just acquaintances? Maybe that’s how it should be. 

With a sigh on his lips, he wanted to apologize but Felix threw himself at him. Nails digging into his shoulders, even though the cape, kick to his shin, that made him stumble backward and a shocked curse making its way through Dimitri’s throat, were pointing in an entirely wrong direction. What was going on? A dance proposal, one that wasn’t even voiced in the end, wouldn’t make Felix attack him. 

He wasn’t expecting that in the slightest, already relaxed because of the atmosphere, and not from this direction, so he fell down, stumbling over a step.

His mind screeched to the halt once he heard the voice of two blades singing, one getting caught up in the other. Blood fell on his eyes, warm and sticky and he had to keep himself from flinching violently. Everything was red. 

Screams of terror, and curses people were throwing around, got to his ears with a delay, slowly making their way through his brain. A cling, a scratch, screams, and wails. Heavy boots coming closer, hurried, and a crowd of expensive slippers running away, to the gardens, through the main gate. 

Wet, gross noises resounded just above him and once he wiped the blood away he saw a blade, gripped by a trembling hand. It went straight through Felix’s torso, too high to be a stomach. Dimitri could only beg whatever he thought he believed in that it hadn’t pierced the heart. 

The hand had fallen away, leaving the blade behind, and soon after a head followed, landing with a thud just next to Dimitri’s. Ah, so Felix was faster. It wasn’t a surprise. 

Unfortunately, not fast enough. 

Dimitri sat up, gently, as gently as he could, lowering Felix into his arms, gathering his body somewhat. The man opened his mouth to say something, but only blood came out. Coughs shook his frame, and Dimitri had to hold him in place so he wouldn't jostle the sword, still embodied in him, too much. 

The whole action didn’t even take a minute. Before the assassination attempt even began for good it was stopped. But at what cost? 

A couple of royal knights soon surrounded them, most of them already taking care of evacuating guests and looking for potential suspects. Ingrid was the first one to reach them, falling to her knees and trying to access the damage. Her hands were steady, tearing her cape to make a makeshift gauze and stop the bleeding. 

Why Dimitri hadn’t think about it? He just couldn’t take his hands away from Felix. Even guards wouldn’t be able to tear him away, he was sure. Suddenly, he noticed his throat was hoarse. Did he scream?

„Okay, _okay_. It’s not- it’s not the worst.” Ingrid said, keeping the cloth in place. Without a medic, they couldn’t just take the blade out. _Without a medic who can use magic we are doomed_, her eyes were saying but lips stayed stubbornly sealed. 

What was it either way? What happened? The Rodrigue’s face flashed through his mind, then Glenn’s. Violet hair matted with blood, bloody hands, swords, armor. What was happening? Where was everyone? A fire burned in his mind, cracking with spite, torturing him. Felix hadn't screamed, he hadn't heard him. But now it was the only sound in his head. Echoing. 

A hand, slender but calloused, reached towards his face and he was readying for a slap, but it just caressed his cheek and put a strand of his hair behind his ear. It disappeared shortly after. 

„-our Majesty. Your majesty! Dimitri!” Ingrid clasped his shoulder and woke him up from the trance. One look at her face and he knew he had to get it together. 

His hands gripped the air.

„The medics already got it, Mercie is taking care of everything. It’ll be alright.” 

He could just nod along, not knowing what else to do. What one does when their friend is dying in their lap? Because of them? He feels as though he should know the answer to this question already but when he tried to reach for it, it was gone. Maybe it never existed in the first place. 

Next thing he knew Ingrid was steering him through the grand hall and corridors, walking past countless doors. Pulling him along, not letting him stop. _We need to get you to a secure location,_ she said. 

He didn’t even have it in himself to try to stop her, his arm was limp in her grasp. 

He didn't know how long it took, but soon his face was being cradled by warm hands he was able to recognize everywhere. Even at the end of the world. 

Byleth was saying something, whispering most likely, judging by her expression. Reassurances, maybe. But he couldn't listen to those right now, he couldn't. So Dimitri closed his eyes and shook his head, and even though he didn’t make a sound Byleth understood. A moment later he felt arms sneaking behind his head, steadiness of her body as she held him close, one of her hands carding through his hair. 

He didn't shake because of an assassination attempt. He’s been close to the death all his life and even though he no longer craved it, it was still an option he had made peace with. No, it wasn’t his own demise. The thought he just killed the last one member of the Fraldarius house was slowly dissolving him from inside. The taste of acid on his tongue was a prove.

The last one. The third one.

The only thing keeping him conscious was hands still going through his hair. 

It was just the work of a madman. It was planned beforehand, happened with premeditation. But the man wasn’t connected to any circles standing up against the King nor any organized groups. 

As King was inaccessible, man’s judge had become The Archbishop and The Queen. Byleth, tired and stressed after hours of trying to keep everything under control, and Felix’s life still being fought for, hadn’t had too much patience or mercy. 

Two days after the tragic night everything seemed to slow down. Many regrets were sent to the palace. _Oh, how unlucky. How tragic._ Alongside them were many good wishes for a fast recovery for Duke Fraldarius. Some of the more enthusiastic people sent whole pages, texts full of praise for duke's heroics, calling him a role model for others. 

Sylvain gritted his teeth, writing yet another reply, stopping himself from writing down curses upon curses from frustration. Felix wasn't a hero, wasn't a role model. He wasn't a martyr. He was an idiot. 

Even though he knew it was his hurt speaking, from deep inside of him, he couldn't stop. _Stupid, stupid, what a dumbass,_ he thought as yet another sob tried to tear itself from his throat. 

Soon his thoughts strayed in a completely different direction. If he had to choose between Felix and Dimitri, would he be able to do it? _Felix could._ Because it all came down to that. What a hypocrite. How could he scold Felix knowing he would do the same in a heartbeat?

But then he would see his daughters sitting under the wall of a palace infirmary and anger just seemed to burn again even stronger. 

They couldn't go in, only healers taking care of Felix had access. So he couldn't do anything else but wait patiently, even though it was one of the hardest things to do at that moment. He trusted Mercedes wholeheartedly, of course, he did. She was amazing. But even it couldn't calm his erratic heartbeat. 

Yet there were so many other things to take care of. He couldn't sleep under the infirmary door like he knew Celeste did. Sigh escaped his lips. 

When he was signing best regards for another noble house he heard a shrill cry coming from the crib next to the desk. Ellie, who for such a small and cute baby was incredibly loud, was making a fuss again. He let unopened letters be and reached for her. He had so many other things to take care of. 

It took a week for Felix to become stable enough to let in visitors. First in the line was his family, Sylvain and girls almost filling the room full, bundling around the bed and shushing each other. 

Sylvain just shook his head amused and sat down in the chair they showed him, the one closest to the bedside. Happiness didn’t stay on his face for long, soon letting his tired expression to come out. His girls, and girls meant Celeste, would judge the dark circles under his eyes any other day, but now with shadows covering faces of everyone in the room, it was pointless. 

Sylvain looked at Felix for the first time in a week and could not believe how fragile and weak the other looked. His face stayed frozen in a blank expression, but his insides were running in amok. 

Felix was pale, even more so than normal, and when Sylvain intertwined their fingers he could feel he was cold too. Mercedes said it was fine, they just had to give it some time. Sylvain didn’t seem convinced. 

Felix looked exhausted, his eyes sunken, and face full of shadows. His hair was matted, unwashed. Mercedes braided it to make it look more presentable but it wasn’t helping much. Sylvain could still see wrinkles of discomfort on his face. His breath was coming out shallow, short and fast, and Sylvain had to stop himself from worrying too much. 

_Damage to the lungs,_ Mercie said. It was going to take some time healing, but Sylvain was a patient man. It was hard, but he would be by Felix’s side whenever he needed him. 

He looked around the room, all of their girls sleeping, including the littlest one on his chest, and let himself relax. Just a little. 

Hand he was holding was cold.

The family couldn’t stay in infirmary any longer. A week was far too long. Mercedes and Annette both thought it was bad for them, and kicked them out. Not with force, just speaking really carefully and sweetly. So sweetly in fact, that Sylvain had enough and with a regretful gaze he let himself being escorted to their shared quarters. 

That night, first night Felix was spending alone, Dimitri sneaked past the guards and into the room. 

Felix, lying unmoving on a bed looked almost serene. Dimitri knew artists who would compare him to a Sleeping Beauty, singing praises after praises. But for him, the view was just unnerving. 

He felt wrong looming over the figure in the hospital bed, so he sat down, trying to make himself look smaller. It wasn’t very successful but it was good enough. 

His shadow fell over the man’s chest. _How fitting it is,_ he thought, him taking away Felix's light, keeping him in the shadow even if he didn't mean to. He risked a glance at the bandages peeking from underneath Felix’s gown. They were just changed, they should be clean. And yet small pecks of blood already made themselves known, staining white cloth. 

Dimitri’s eye fell to the floor in shame. He made himself stay silent, not to be more of a bother. Besides, there wasn’t anything he could say. Apologises were but empty words. He didn’t deserve being forgiven.

First Felix’s whole family, then him. Dimitri had blood on his hands, sticky and warm. And even though voices in his head have fallen silent these couple of years, he could hear Felix’s voice as clear as day now. 

He looked up, redying himself. No. No, he had to apologize. He had to. This wasn’t about him and his fears, it was about Felix. They had to talk about it. Like two normal people. Like two friends he hoped they could become. 

Amber eyes met his. Disoriented and a little droopy, but there was steel underneath it all. Felix looked and waited. He seemed somewhat relieved. Somewhat pissed. As if he couldn’t decide. 

It startled Dimitri. Suddenly he stood up from the chair and walked back to the window with shaky steps. 

„Hey, idiot.” Felix’s voice was rough and hoarse. His face contorted into an irritated expression. 

„I’m really not sure who’s the fool between us two.” Dimitri practically spat it out with a hint of anger. The moment he seemed to notice it he sealed his lips and averted his eyes.

The other just huffed which lead to cough and then more coughs. Not knowing what to do Dimitri jumped for the glass with water that Mercie left for him and passed it to Felix. 

When he tried to sit up it must have pulled on his wound, because with a hiss of pain he fell back on the pillows. 

„I should-„ Dimitri wanted to run for a healer, he knew he should, but he couldn't will his legs to move „I mean-„ 

„Ugh, it’s fine.” Felix said wiping his mouth. Dimitri gave him a tissue from the box on the nightstand. „Thanks.” 

An awkward silence fell them. There weren’t even any noises of the wild, with windows tightly shut as Mercie asked.

Moon was the only source of the light, letting them see enough but obscuring Dimitri's face, as he was turned away from the window. It made Felix feel... something. Fear, maybe. It wouldn’t be the first time he had dreamed about Dimitri putting his hands on his neck and squeezing, cutting off his breathing. Dimitri stabbing him through with his lance. Dimitri breaking his spine with his inhuman strength. 

Felix gazed up at the figure, still slightly out of it. He waited, but the attack never came. Dimitri stood there, hunched over with a tortured expression on his face. His hands were spasming, closing into fists and then opening again. 

"What're-"  
"I must apologize."

Both of them said at the same time. It startled them enough to shut their mouths once more and wait in silence. 

"Listen." Felix started, already feeling the painkillers giving way to a pain radiating from his chest. He shifted, uncomfortable. "I don't know what are you thinking about right now, but just, stop. I can practically see your brain fraying in your skull."

"I apologize. I should go find a healer." Dimitri found himself making his way to the door, running away like a dog with his tail between his legs. 

Suddenly, he was yanked back. This time it didn't make him stumble, he was tense enough not to react too strongly. But what made him turn was a groan of pain behind him. Felix was half out of the bed, bent in half, one of his hands squeezing material of his shirt, the other, stretched one, was gripping the corner of Dimitri's cape. He was shaking all over, but his hand didn't loosen its hold. 

"Felix!" Dimitri caught him before he slipped from the bed and immediately checked over the bandages. It looked like the wound didn't reopen but he wasn't a proper doctor. He hoped his hands weren't too rough, putting Felix back under the sheets. "What were you thinking? You shouldn't move. At all. I swear to goddess."

"Yeah, yeah." the man just swatted his hand at him, as if he was just an annoying insect. "Just spit it out."

"Umm... I mean- what?"

"Well, I don't know! You looked like there's something important to speak about so I'm giving you a chance." he said, folding his arms on his chest. In truth, when he saw Dimitri turning his back on him and walking away, he'd felt a rift opening between them. If he let Dimitri go, they would never get close again. If the king walked out of the door, Felix feared that would be the end. After Dimitri didn't respond, a different kind of fear gripped Felix's heart. "Did something happen to kids? Sylvain?" 

"No, of course not. No. They are all alright. Just worried about you." Dimitri sighed, finally getting closer and sitting back in a chair. "You gave us quite a scare."

Only at that moment, Felix noticed that his newest memories are jumbled, covered with a mist. He didn't care about it that much until Dimitri spoke, but once he started worrying about something important he was forgetting, everything came back. 

A gleam of light under a man's cloak, hand reaching for a dagger. Felix wanted to say his body had moved on its own, but it would be a lie. It had been his conscious decision. A bitter and sharp laugh made its way up his throat. _How pathetic,_ he thought. He'd been spouting curses at his brother and father for years. How could they be so reckless, so blind? He had wondered many times if they knew that it was going to be their last breath and they still decided to do it. Now he knew. 

He never felt so powerless. 

He had almost broken his promise to Sylvain, almost orphaned his children. Almost given up everything. For what? For his king? His homeland? _No, it wasn't exactly that._

Dimitri was still sitting by his side, getting more and more antsy with every next second passing. Finally, he decided to break this heavy silence. That was his cue to apologize. 

"Felix... Duke Fraldarius."

"Huh?" that woke Felix from his reverie. Dimitri only called him that when he was about to spout some bullshit.

"I have to apologize for everything that happened. That was absolutely my fault, for not organizing this celebration with more care. Losing you would be a catastrophe for our kingdom. First Glenn, then Rodrigue... Please accept my sincerest apologies." he bowed slightly. Throughout the speech, he didn't even try to catch Felix's eyes, even though he knew the other was trying to bore holes into him with his gaze. 

"What are you apologizing for either way?"

"Ah, losing you would mean the ruin of House of Fraldarius, would it not?" Dimitri ricked a peak on Felix. The man's face looked as it was sculptured in marble. Cold and unforgiving. "That would critically weaken the kingdom." he finished, lamely. 

"I... see." Felix said, his voice weirdly hollow. That alarmed Dimitri. He was ready for a fight, a verbal duel, some screaming or sarcasm. He wasn't ready for... whatever that was. When was the last time Felix used that voice on him? "I accept. Thank you for this gesture, your majesty." he bowed as deeply as he could, which only made Dimitri jump up, reach for him to stop him. He didn't manage to touch him though, because the next second Felic was laying down and turning away. "Please, do not concern yourself with me anymore. I wish you goodnight. And if you could inform my husband... yes, please do so." was all he said before falling completely silent. 

Dimitri couldn't figure out what went wrong, he just knew something did. Or maybe Felix was just too tired from the wound and didn't want to show his weakness? Yes, that made sense. 

Dimitri knew it was but an empty lie, just to make himself feel better. Their friendship just went up in flames, and he was frighteningly aware of that. The moment he heard 'your majesty' in this cold, apathetic tone, he was sure.

On the way back to his chambers he informed one of the healers about Felix waking. Young nurse practically sprinted in the direction of his room. Dimitri could only stand in place and look after her. 

After some quick discussion, it was decided for someone to go fetch Margrave Gautier. All of the medics promised him to inform him as soon as duke woke up, and no one wanted to suffer consequences of his anger. 

So at 3 in the morning sharp knocks had woken Sylvain up. He stumbled out of the bed, his feet tangled into sheets and hair a mess. Walking to the door he still tried to spit some of it out of his mouth. When he opened the door Elena decided to wake up and scream bloody murder. The nurse looked at him sympathetically, so without guilt he trecked back to the crib and started to sway the child in his arms, trying to shush her down so he could talk to the woman in peace. She wasn't in the rush, so he also didn't feel stressed. It should be nothing noteworthy. Healers visited him from time to time, just to see how he was holding up. Sweet, but unnecessary. Then it hit him- it was the middle of the night.

"I'm sorry about that. Did anything changed?" Sylvain asked, concern coloring his voice. Concern but with a little hope.

"He woke up. I mean, the duke."

"When?" he asked already gathering some clothes to throw on. Elena was a calming weight in his arms.

"Just an hour ago, we think. He's coherent and he's been asking to see you."

"I- I'll be there. Just a minute." he stumbled around the room looking for his shirt. After a moment the nurse chuckled and took Elena out of his embrace. 

"I can take care of her for now, you should hurry."

"Thanks. Just let me change and I'll take her."

In the end, he left Ellie with her sisters. Felix would kill him if he rushed to his side leaving her with some stranger, that he was sure of. So reluctantly he had to wake up Edith, and with her Celeste and Felicia too. Of course, they wanted to go visit immediately. It took him twenty minutes to talk them down from it and only after the promise that they can come in the morning they'd let him go. Groaning about unfairness but he could see how the tension disappeared from their shoulders almost instantly. His step, too, was lighter on the way to the infirmary. 

Seeing Felix awake was like a punch to the gut. Sylvain made his way to the bed, not even stopping to move a chair closer, and sat on the edge, immediately enveloping Felix in a hug. The man smelled and his hair was greasy but Sylvain had never felt so good keeping him in his arms. He wished he could do the same when that blade stabbed through him. He wished he could stand in its way, keeping Felix safe, away from pain and wounds and blood. 

A moment later he felt Felix lifting his arms and fisting his hands in the back of his shirt, pressing him even closer. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, not wanting to let the other go. But it couldn't last forever, so far too soon for his liking, Sylvain backed up. He didn't want to lose a contact though, so he slid his hands over Felix's arms to intertwine their fingers once more. They were still cold, so he could only bring them to his mouth and blow some warm air into them. He began to slowly massage them, looking at Felix with so much love the other could only squeeze his hands back. 

"What are you doing?" Felix asked, a little breathlessly. He was so tired. He was tired before Dimitri came, but that completely deprived him of any energy he thought he had. He was tired before, maybe even before this whole mess. Maybe he was tired throughout his whole life. 

"Nothing. Freezing isn't the best when you're healing. Wait a minute, I'll just ask-" he wanted to stand up but Felix just tugged on his hands, stopping him. "C'mon, I just wanted to ask for some more blankets."

"I don't need blankets." Felix just huffed. "I grew up here, remember? A little cold is nothing." 

"Uh-huh, whatever. I'm asking the next nurse. One of them will come here eventually either way." he said, but didn't actually try to move away again. A beat passed.

"Can we talk about it later?" Felix's voice was quiet, almost sad. He didn't mean blankets. Most likely the whole situation, because that was something they surely had to talk about one of these days. But it didn't have to be today. They had time. Something else bugged Sylvain's mind: Something has happened, he was sure. Something else than getting stabbed. 

"Okay. Let's leave it for later. For now, focus on getting better, alright?" he looked up from their connected hands and had to laugh. Felix looked so cute, with droopy eyelids, and a little confused expression on his face. Sylvain had to reach out and tuck one of his hair strands behind his ears. 

Felix's hand caught his just when he wanted to take it back, and he hugged his cheek to it. Breath hitched in Sylvain's throat. How he loved this man. This reckless and sometimes stupid man. This kind and lovely person. Chapped lips left a kiss on his palm and he could only scoot even closer and rest his forehead against Felix's. 

Their breaths and tears mingled together, but nobody could hear it in the dead of the night. 

Healers did a great job of putting him together again and taking care of all the damage. It would still take time for the pain to disappear but after a couple of days, he was finally cleared to sleep in his guest chambers instead of the infirmary. Having Sylvain by his side throughout the night wasn't half bad. Felix didn't even complain when his daughters stubbornly tried to get in the bed with them every other night. 

He felt so lucky. It wasn't the first time he got hurt or came close to death, no. When the war was still going on it seemed as if every other Friday he'd been on the brink of it. After _that_ whole mess, everything calmed down a lot. Fighting some occasional bandits was just a mere play after crossing his sword with trained Imperial soldiers. 

But this time it was different. Felix had so much to lose. His family's crushed faces were haunting him in his dreams wailing his name over and over again, or just calling him weak, pathetic. But he preferred those over his dead brother and father. 

The two of them were just standing silently, looking at him with eyes glazed over with fog. They were waiting, he knew. Waiting for him to join, to die an _oh, so glorious_ death. 

_The Shield of Faerghus,_ what a joke. Was that his destiny? This _fate_ everyone kept talking about? To die in some self-sacrificing act just because there's someone so much more important than him? Did he have to follow in his brother's and father's footsteps? Apparently, yes. 

Apparently, Dimitri thought so too. 

The only thing Felix wanted at the moment was to pack his bags and go back home, to the estate he and Sylvain built together not long after Edith was born, just at the connected border of their territories. It was a modest and cozy household, with a garden in the back. It took him a long time to get used to the peacefulness and calmness and non-threatening people living in a town nearby. In his youth, he would never think about missing his home. The Fraldarius mansion was far too empty and silent. Now he just wanted to fall asleep in his own bed. Maybe even on the couch. 

But they were still waiting for Mercedes's approval, so the only thing he could do was to have patience and don't be too much of a jerk to the nurses checking upon him. 

It was his sixth day of bed rest, nor counting coma, so his temperament would sometimes get the best of him, making him snap. The only element making his days a little more entertaining was Sylvain and girls, trying to get his mind off injury and boredom. He even got a letter from Claude, apologizing for not being able to be there and asking if everything's alright. The man was infuriating at times, but Felix highly valued their friendship, so writing a reply came to him very easy. It was nice, being able to do that. 

Felix was alive, so he could still be a presence in his friends' lives. 

Sylvain was... concerned, to say the least. It wasn't a secret Felix mellowed down throughout the years. The anger he kept in himself when he was a teenager seemingly burned out, and finally allowed him to be happier, calmer. 

But now it wasn't just calmness, it was almost creepy how stoic Felix acted. Sometimes Sylvain looked at him, and he seemed so far away, looking into the air or through the window, at the sky. He did this before, it wasn't the first time. War takes its toll on everyone, not even starting on his family life. But two weeks was far too long. Normally it would take him a day maximum, to come down from whatever muddled his mind. But two weeks passed and Sylvain had yet to hear Felix whining about being bedridden. 

At the moment it was late into the night and Sylvain was laying on his side, looking at Felix's profile. The man was just next to him, one of his legs thrown over his waist, his hands were holding on of Sylvain's, keeping it on his chest. Sylvain felt the heat of his body, where their skin touched, but he knew Felix wasn't really in the bedroom anymore. His eyes were gazing at the ceiling, or maybe past it. Sylvain wasn't able to look so far.

"Felix?" he asked, but he hasn't used his voice in some time now, so it was almost inaudible. Cringing, he tried again. "Fe?"

Felix's head practically whipped to the side, catching his gaze. Amber eyes looked confused, maybe even a little lost. Distressed, was the word Sylvain was looking for. 

"Are you okay? I know, _you are,_ but something is bothering you, and it can't go on." Felix wanted to say something, but he reflected, letting Sylvain continue. Sometimes his thoughts would get so tangled and messy he just couldn't figure out what was his initial thought in the first place. And it was always Sylvain, taking a lot of time out of his schedule, just to help him resolve the issue. Sometimes it felt as if the man knew him better than he himself did. "You've been putting a very convincing brave face, these couple of weeks. It made girls calmer, true, but it isn't any good for you, and you know it. We talked about it before. Something has set you off, and, this is just a guess, it wasn't the attack itself. I've seen you worse off, you've never reacted like that."

"Like what?" Felix finally snapped. 

"Like that. Completely out of whack. One moment everything's fine, the next one you want to rip someone to shreds. You don't talk, at all, and if you do you're brash and moody. Don't get me wrong, I love when you're all sharp and witty. But yesterday you almost slapped that poor nurse and then you locked yourself in this room for hours. Tell me what is wrong, so I can try to fix it. Please."

Felix's eyes went wide and with every word, he was squeezing Sylvain's hand more and more. 

"Should I have died?"

The question echoed in the quiet of the room, and Sylvain's mind. He's been looking at Felix this whole time, and yet, somehow, it felt as if it was the first time in a long time. The mask Felix has been wearing finally slipped, shattered under his words. How could he not notice for this whole time? How could he be so blind?

"What are you- What?" Sylvain replied breathlessly. His arm reflexively went to Felix's hip and he pulled him closer, so that they were chest to chest, face to face. "Do you... do you want that?"

"No." came a fast answer. "I don't and that's the problem. Maybe I should."

"I don't understand."

"It's just- It seems like something I should do? As the Shield of Feargus. My father, Glenn... they'd fulfilled their duties and I-" Felix was saying something, but Sylvain simply could not believe in any of it. The words were spilling out faster and faster, and soon they turned into one jumbled string of sentences that didn’t even make sense anymore. Felix knew he wasn’t in his right mind, spouting nonsense, but he couldn’t stop. And Sylvain was holding him close and nodding his head seriously as if he tried to understand, so Felix let himself indulge just a moment longer, hoping it will take him to the bottom of this whole mess. 

„I just- I don’t know. Maybe it’s in my blood? I have never told you but when my father died I went through my family records. You don’t know how many members of this house died in defense of royal blood. But I never wanted to be bound by some old rituals and now it’s being thrown in my face and Dimitri-„ Felix stopped sharply. His breathing was irregular and heavy, it was the only sound in the room. 

„You aren’t bound by anything. You’re Felix. Fearless and brave and strong. There’s no way some stupid old tales are going to be your end. Besides, you’re alive right now. The odds were against you and yet you’re here.” Sylvain was going through some knots in violet hair, gently untangling them. „Maybe we should contact Marianne and Lindhardt ti get that ‘I’m cursed!’ mindset out of you.” He tried to lighten the mood a little at the end but not even a muscle on Felix’s face moved. Sylvain could only sigh and continue. „What did his Kingliness do? You wouldn't mention him if he didn’t do anything.”

„He didn’t, it’s just my brain fucking things up. Once we’re back home it’ll stop.”

„Felix, we’re not ending this conversation here. C’mon, tell me. We both know how hard you and he worked to rebuild this weird friendship you two have.”

„Is it weird?”

„Maybe just complicated. My point is you shouldn't give up on that. He’s a dumbass and you’re an asshole so like, together you can get violative. A lot. Remember five years ago-„

„We don’t talk about that.” Felix growled with a warning, but Sylvain could see a beautiful red blush rising on his face. 

„Ah, yes. Sure. Anyway, you figured that out so this thing should be a breeze. C’mon, what did he say?” 

„Just that... he’s thankful for what I did. That my death would be a great loss for the Kingdom. The end of my house.” He scoffed. „As if Edith, Celeste, Felicia, and Elena weren’t there.” 

„That sounds like a standard conversation to have after something like this.” Sylvain mused. He could already see what happened. „Pretty cold.”

„He’s still so blind after all that. I didn’t do it because of my duty, not for the kingdom or honor. You know what I think about all those martyrs.” 

„Yes, yes. Fools, all of them.” 

„Exactly, but- that wasn’t- I’m such a hypocrite.” Felix signed deeply and snuggled closer. His nail scratched Sylvain’s chest even through the material of his shirt but the man didn’t say anything, slowly caressing his side. Up and down. Rhythm soon made Felix sleepy but he knew they had to finish this talk. Then he could go to sleep. „What I did was unforgivable. I’m surprised you’re not mad at me.”

„Oh, but I am. I’m just waiting for a chance to retaliate.”

„Please don’t.”

Sylvain snickered and moved around a little to make himself more comfortable. He still couldn’t get used to these fluffy, soft, soft beds of the royal palace. 

„But seriously, I was mad, but the moment I saw you awake it felt as if all my anger just disappeared. I’m still pretty upset. But more than that I’m just relieved.” He reached his hand higher and squished Felix’s cheek with glee. That rewarded him just with a heartfelt smack. 

„Stop being so... mushy.

„Coming back to Dimitri, he’s probably confused and you know better than anyone he’s not very good at vulnerable stuff. He probably wanted to say something completely different and panicked.”

„That’s not my problem.”

„Talk to him, even for a minute. He’ll crack for sure.”

„I don’t- I don't really want to.” Felix said, surprising even himself. „This is not the first time this happened. Him saying some stupid, downgrading crap and making me sick to my stomach. And then me reaching to him because ‘I should cut him some slack’.” 

„He really hurt you this time.” Sylvain’s voice was quiet, disbelieving. 

„I was ready to throw my life away for his ass and he- I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He really didn’t want to. Enough. It was enough. He was giving up on this whole charade. It felt as if every time they’d made a step ahead they’ve been taking two back. How long did it take him to figure that out? „Enough. It doesn’t matter anymore.” Felix let go of Sylvain’s hand and buried himself more under the covers. It was colder, without any source of warmth, but he didn’t want any physical contact at that moment. He just wanted the sleep to take him away. „When are we going back home?” 

„Mercedes said something about three days.” The man responded, his voice muffled. Felix sensed a hand moving closer to him under the covers and a shiver went down his spine unvoluntary. But it stopped shy from his back. 

For a couple of minutes, maybe a couple of hours, Felix was listening to Sylvain breathing. Once it became rhythmical, it lulled him to sleep too. 

Just three days more. 

The day before their return home was the first sunny day in a while. You could feel the atmosphere improving greatly, with people opening their stalls on the market, going out to shop or just to appreciate the sun. Children were running around on their tiny legs, squealing with delight after being finally let out of houses. Adults were looking at it with some amusement, some with worry. After all, nobody wanted to lose their kid in the crowd. Either way, everyone was relieved. Any more gloom and rain and the capital would fall into a deep deep sleep as it did every fall.

It was a relief for Sylvain too, Felix would probably cheer up a little. The man acted like one big cat most of the time so maybe putting him to nap in a sunny place would improve his mood. Some of his favorite salty-spicy snacks and four-spice tea with a drop of honey wouldn't hurt.

That’s what Sylvain thought but coaxing Felix out of the room was a challenge. He didn’t want to happen upon Dimitri even if everyone had told him his majesty was too busy these days to roam the halls. Besides, Felix's favorite place to let out some steam, training grounds, was off-limits for him. Mercedes threatened him in a very nice tone.

Finally, Felicia took it upon herself to take him to the garden, to get some fresh air and relax. The air was crisp, as it always was in Fhirdiad, but she knew it wasn’t a problem. Beforehand she talked to auntie By and asked for an entrance to her personal garden, full of colorful flowers and other plants. A place beaming with life.

They spent an uneventful morning there, sitting in one of the alcoves, Felicia chattering time away. She was attending the Officers Academy so she had a lot of topics to talk through, from her favorite lessons to some drama between her classmates. And Felix was okay with just listening, nodding his head or asking some questions to let her continue. He was tired but at that moment he felt better than in the last couple of weeks. 

Felicia was bright and bubbly, even if she looked like his small copy. Felix still would get caught off guard when looking at her, such a similar face with such different expressions. It was weird at the beginning, as weird he would think of his own child, but now it was kind of comforting. 

Soon the noon passed and she had to go back to her room to finish packing her things up. She didn’t want to, of course not, but Felix urged her to finally do it. They were going to leave the capital first thing in the morning, there will be no time and he knew very well what a mess she’d made in this room of hers. 

But he wanted to stay for a little bit longer. It was nice, being outside for once. Bedrest was never good for him, gazing at the ceiling or through the window with people coddling him and being worried. He hated feeling restless and unproductive. Besides without some sort of physical activity, there were too many thoughts whirling in his mind like winter winds on the highest mountain of Fhirdiad. 

Here at least he could fixate his eyes on so many different flowers that sitting in one place was bearable. But even focusing as hard as he did didn’t dim his other senses. Felix heard soft steps behind him, a person trying to walk up to him without being noticed. _Or just too scared to be seen._

Felix lifted his cup, finishing the last couple of drops of his tea, and stood up, ready to leave. 

„Wait!” Dimitri called, his voice so irritating to Felix’s ears that the man could barely keep the sour expression from his face. But as a loyal subject, he turned and bowed slightly, not low enough to show actual respect but high enough for it to seem like he cared. „Do you have a minute?”

„No.” He said and started to leave once more. „I don’t.” 

Now it was Dimitri's time to try and stop him by catching the material of his coat. He didn't yank it, both of them knew if he did Felix would fall down the steps into the rose bush. It was long after their flowering period, but even so, among the wilted petals, one yellow rose still stayed abloom. Sun was slipping off of it.

"Please, just a moment. We have to talk." king's voice almost quivered. Felix turned to him only because he wanted to see whatever stupid expression he was making. _A kicked puppy, damn manipulator._

"I think we've talked enough already. Besides, I don't have time. I have to go and prepare."

"For what?" that surprised Dimitri somewhat. His eyes widened. 

"For travel?"

"Travel...? You're going back home?"

"We can't stay here, duh." Felix was slowly feeling himself slipping. Continuing this conversation on an edge of snapping would be very... stupid. He was almost sure he would blurt something he never meant to say. 

Maybe severing this tie with a couple of too harsh words would be for the best?

"You can't! Your wound..."

"It's fine." the man spat out, and seeing Dimitri still holding his cape, he slapped his hand away. 

Dimitri couldn't stand looking at these amber eyes, blazing with hatred and so much disappointment, and yet he couldn't tear his sight away. What was it? What was wrong? Why was it so complicated? He knew Felix didn't want to see him at the moment, didn't want to have anything to do with him. It felt as if they were transported back to their teenage years, so full of resentment and grief, rivalry and violence. But just a second ago when Felix slapped his hand away, there was no pain. Why? Dimitri knew the man could easily snap his wrist if he wanted to. And yet, there was just slight sting. He was feeling the need to hang his head down in shame, like a scolded child.

"I know you must hate me now, I understand. You have every right to-"

"You understand? Enlighten me then." Felix's voice was rough, as it always was, with the exception of talking to his family and closest friends. Dimitri heard it very rarely. And just once, or two times directed at him. It seemed he would never have a pleasure to hear the more melodic and kind tone. Not after this whole mess. 

"You were so severely wounded in my stead, I can never atone. If I had been more aware, maybe we could have prevented the attack from happening. We, as palace soldiers, should have been more prepared for more possibilities. Truly, unforgivable."

"What the hell do you want from me then? Why do you keep looking down on me, huh? 'We, the soldiers', shut up. As if I'm not one. As if I wasn't serving you in a war. Not once, two times! You don't want me as a friend, you don't want me as a soldier. What do you want from me then? A mere puppet, a shield to use and discard. God, you're so-! Ugh!" Felix wasn't exactly shouting the words out, but he wasn't saying them in a normal voice, it was a mix between the two, tortured tone full of bitterness and hurt. Somewhere in the middle one of his hands went up to his hair, and tugged hard on one of the braids, tearing it away from the loose bun. It spilled on half of his face, covering it. Keeping it from Dimitri's gaze.

"I don't..."

"Keep quiet!_ I don't understand! I'm clueless!_ You always are! I thought- Goddess, I thought that maybe! Maybe, we're going to- I don't know- figure that out. Us, out. And I tried! All those letters, all those visits whenever we could. And yet- and yet, there's this wall, like a barrier, between us. I'm not stupid, I know we can never get back to these- _happy_ times. To this friendship we once had." 

Dimitri was speechless. What was there to say? What could he say to make this better?

"Maybe we shouldn't." Felix covered his eyes with his hand, shielding them ever further. He made a step back and Dimitri followed. "I think I figured it out. It was all meaningless. For you, I will always be just a shadow of my brother and father. And if not that, I'll be just an empty title. Someone to keep around to jump in front of a blade to keep you out of harm's way. 'The ruin of house Fraldarius', was it? Why do you care? And have you gone completely insane? Are you writing my daughters down as a waste? You know what? Don't even answer. You're right! Expect a messenger soon, I'll send one with an official declaration that my daughters, even ones with my surname, won't be considered part of the Fraldarius House anymore. This cursed family line will end with me. No more Shields. No more this," he waved a hand between the two of them. "whatever it was, whatever it became. This sick relation between our families has gone on for far too long."

"Where did- Where did this outburst came from? I was ready to accept that in these circumstances, because of an attack, you can't stand to see my face anymore. But this doesn't make sense! How could I ever look down on you? See you as a less than a skilled swordsman that you are? That's preposterous! I... can't exactly say I've never looked at you and seen Glenn or Rodrigue, but I've never let it cloud my own feelings towards you. Felix, you're my dear friend. And your daughters, you know I adore them. I don't know what possessed me to not say a word about them then, during our last... conversation. That was completely improper of me. I wasn't thinking straight. I can't seem to grasp what set this off, if not my incompetence, but let me apologize to you once more. This time in a proper manner, how I should do it the first time."

"I don't want to hear it. I don't want-" the other man had taken more steps back. This time Dimitri didn't follow, knowing it will just enrage him more. Confuse, hurt. He never wanted to be the one to throw Felix into such a state. 

"Felix. I am so very sorry for what happened. I cannot imagine what would happen if your family lost you. Sylvain, girls, all of our friends. I am very glad, that you are alive, myself. You're my very close friend. Only you, Sylvain and Ingrid were with me since the very beginning, I can't imagine how everything would turn out, if not for you. I will do everything in my power to assure that nothing like that will ever happen again. I won't praise you on that, though. That jump was pretty reckless. Never do that again. Even for your honor."

"Are you stupid?" Felix asked. It sounded like all the oxygen had escaped his lungs in a wheeze. "For my honor? What honor do I have left? I didn't do it because of some- pride, or anything like that." Dimitri looked up, right at Felix's face. He looked exhausted, messy and distorted, with shadows covering his face and hair, half pinned up, half let down. "I don't care about being the Shield of Faerghus."

"I understand. You have already completed your task, there's no need for you to continue doing so. Once was enough."

"But I didn't! I didn't get stabbed in your place thinking I had to save the king. And I wasn't thinking about how the whole kingdom wouldn't fall into a chaos that way. I wasn't rescuing my sovereign, I was rescuing my-" breath hitched in his throat. Word so foreign in this context and yet... "My friend."

A barely warm breeze was gently tugging at their clothes. The swaying of strands of hair seemed to slow down the time when the two of them were processing information. There was something very delicate in the air and they didn't want to completely shatter this peace. 

Felix felt so worn out, this all was way too much. Shielding himself, letting the walls down, being vulnerable just to hide behind the mask once again. And yet, he was more at ease than before.

Dimitri could not control warmth spilling in his soul. How sweet were those words. And how very dumb both of them were, feeding each other misinformation after misinformation, not being able to communicate as normal people do. 

In their letters, just snippets of their real emotions were shown. Hiding behind a wall of text was easier than trying to articulate yourself spontaneously, in a moment. But now, when both Felix and Dimitri looked at each other, they couldn't help but feel relief and a hint of satisfaction. It was great to let everything out. It was great to admit straightforwardly where they were standing. 

"If you let me redeem myself, I would love to try once more."

"I'm fed up with apologies. Just let it go." Felix sighed. The tension has left his body, so now just tiredness stayed behind. 

"I've never thought of you as a mere puppet or my shield. You were always my right-hand man and dearest of my friends. Please, let me continue to think of you as such."

Felix glanced at him with slight amusement and said:

"Sure."

There were still many things to work on in this mess of a friendship, but for now, it was enough. Felix let Dimitri escort him back to his room, arm under his arm, mindless chatter filling the halls. 

The next morning was chaotic, as everyone predicted. Clothes, luggage, swords and all that being thrown around, with accompanying it shouts and whines, was music to Felix's ears. He's never thought he'll think something like that. He surprised even himself.

But it was a signal that it was okay. Everything was just as it should be. As if this awful evening weeks ago hadn't happened at all. Well, almost. 

Adrien and Edith were acting like lovebirds out in the open, no longer held back by following proper etiquette. The disaster that had been their proposal ball didn't matter to them that much, as they've been together years by that time, and celebrated that occasion with their family earlier. Byleth was chatting with Sylvain in the corner of the room, gossiping most likely. They were folding the last of clothes, trying to pack them somewhat reasonably. 

And Dimitri was there, already having prepared their carriages. He was swaying around the room, with Ellie in his arms, looking nervous but kind of happy too. It was Felix who pushed the child at him when he came into the room. At that moment he was too alarmed by Felicia screaming bloody murder in the room next door and needed someone to hold the little girl for a second. He didn't even think before practically chucking her at Dimitri. 

It wasn't such a tragedy, it seemed. 

"I'll write soon. It's my turn."

"I'll wait then."

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't mean to make it look like there was/ is going on some unrequited love between Felix and Dimitri. They are both very much in love with their respective spouses. But like,,, I love Felix, therefore every character I write is a little in love with him. That's all ^^
> 
> By writing this work I wanted to work on writing arguing between two people so if you have any constructive criticism I'll be happy to hear it. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
